The safe sex basics

For HIV to be transmitted, a quantity of the virus [1]A small infective organism which is incapable of reproducing outside a host cell. has to pass from the body of someone with HIV into the body of someone without HIV. Put another way, if you are HIV positive your cum or blood has to enter the bloodstream of your negative partner through an opening in their skin or mucous membrane.

Keep this basic rule in mind when you assess any sex act. Also keep in mind there is some evidence that a high viral load [2]A measurement of the quantity of HIV RNA in the blood. Viral load blood test results are expressed as the number of copies (of HIV) per milliliter of blood plasma. increases the chance of HIV infection, so some low risk activities like oral sex become a higher risk. There are dangers, however, in reversing this formula. (See Viral Load page 21)

Anal sex remains the most common way HIV is passed on between gay men, particularly if it’s you, the positive partner, doing the fucking. During sex, the lining of your negative partner’s arse can be easily torn allowing infected cum or even small amounts of pre-cum to enter his bloodstream. Wearing a condom and using plenty of water-based lubricant prevents this from happening .

If you are the one being fucked, your negative partner is still at risk. HIV can be found in relatively high quantities in the lining of your arse and during sex can easily enter his body through the eye of his cock. Get him to wear a condom and reapply water-based lubricant often.

Oral sex presents a low risk of transmitting HIV. In oral sex, the risk of transmission is higher if a positive guy cums in the mouth of a negative guy. The number of cases of HIV being passed on this way are not large but some do exist. The mouth constantly suffers from small cuts and ruptures as a result of eating or brushing. Ulcers, bleeding gums and sore throats can all present an opening through which HIV can enter. Rough oral sex or deep-throating can compromise the lining of his throat creating a transmission risk if he swallows your cum.

Many couples choose to do it more safely by pulling out before cumming. Pre-cum, which generally contains much less HIV than semen, is thought to present little or no risk during oral sex as opposed to anal sex where the risk is much greater (as HIV, even in small quantities, can more easily enter his bloodstream during anal sex).

You might prefer to be the one who gives head. The chances of transmitting HIV from your mouth to his dick are practically non-existent. Saliva contains only extremely small quantities of HIV.

While the safest oral sex is with a condom, Australian safe sex guidelines only recommend that condom use be considered when the condition of the mouth of the person giving oral sex is poor (eg. if there are cuts or ulcers).

Providing no cum or blood is present, kissing, licking and sucking any part of the body is totally safe, as are most forms of touching, feeling, rubbing, masturbating, fingering and fisting. The risk only exists if your partner has a cut or opening in their skin and your semen or blood comes in contact with tha t opening. Some men use gloves with lots of lube for fisting. But if you use an oil-based lube, don’t fuck him afterwards. Condoms have a habit of breaking unless they’re used exclusively with water-based lube.

Rimming poses no threat for HIV transmission but is an efficient way to pass on parasites and diseases such as Hepatitis A. Kaposi’s Sarcoma (KS) has also been linked to rimming. KS is a disease that can be difficult to treat in some people with advanced HIV.

Washing before rimming reduces the risk of passing on any of these infections but douching may increase the risk by bringing internal nasties closer to the surface. Shit can contain a number of highly transmissible diseases. HIV is unlikely to be one of them unless blood is present. Some people use dams or plastic cling wrap for rimming.

Urine itself does not contain HIV, so water sports do not present a risk unless there’s blood in your piss and it comes in contact with an opening in his skin.

Sex toys present a risk of transmitting HIV and other STIs [3][Sexually Transmissible (or Transmitted) Infection] Infections spread by the transfer of organisms from person to person during sexual contact. Also called venereal disease (VD) (an older public health term) or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). if they are not cleaned with warm water and soap between partners. Some people use condoms on their toys. Others prefer to use only their own toys.

Body piercing is regarded by some as a sexual act in itself and can present a transmission risk if strict hygiene standards are not met. Freshly pierced holes also provide an opening for HIV to be transmitted during sex.

SM (Sadomasochism) or B&D (Bondage and Discipline) practices may include any of the above. Work within agreed boundaries and have a prearranged language code in case things are going too far for you.

Some men who identify as gay sometimes have sex with women. HIV can easily be transmitted to women through vaginal and anal fucking. Condoms provide a safe barrier. HIV is present in the vaginal fluids of positive women but oral sex transmission is even less likely than through oral sex with a man. Menstrual blood can contain a higher concentration of HIV.

“Me and my HIV-negative boyfriend had long discussions about what was safe and unsafe and what risk taking I was comfortable with. We had an open relationship. I was so pissed off when I saw him getting fucked without a condom in a sex venue. This resulted in a long discussion about ho w all the clinical [4]Pertaining to or founded on observation and treatment of participants, as distinguished from theoretical or basic science. discussion about how the two of us would have sex had put a real damper on our sex lives, and how he wanted me to fuck him more often… something I found really difficult.”

“I got HIV through oral sex. I’d never had anal sex before getting HIV. I was pissed off because I thought oral sex was relatively safe. I went back and read the material. None of it says that oral sex is totally safe… but it was sort of hinted at in the way the guidelines were written. That was years ago. Now I don’t cum in anyone’s mouth. I’ve talked to my HIV-negative friends about oral sex – it’s still an informed risk they’re prepared to take…”

“When I fucked this guy he insisted I wear two condoms. There had been no discussion of HIV-status… Then he wanted to fuck me. I got another condom for him. He said he ‘didn’t need it’. Men! I told him that he could get HIV from fucking and from being fucked. He didn’t believe it.”

“We’d been attracted to each other for years. He had a boyfriend… He knew I was HIV-positive. When his relationship ended we finally got round to it. He was paranoid about even kissing… Then we ran into each other the day after Sleaze Ball. He was wild for anything and everything – it was me who had to say ‘whoa boy…’ ...”

“We’d been having sex for about six weeks when I started hinting about a few more sexual activities I was into like fisting and a bit of mild SM. He was definitely NOT into them and labelled them as ‘not safe’. In terms of HIV-transmission they were safer than some of the things we’d already done. Some men tend to rate safety based on prejudice rather than facts.”

“I love a man who takes charge. I got lassoed by my take charge cowboy fantasy on the dance floor. At his hotel he’d ripped my clothes off and threw me ass up onto the bed…and stopped. Then he suddenly slapped my ass. ‘What do we need?’ he demanded. I didn’t know. Then I was told “condom”. I was sent to the chemist.”