Making sense of it all

It’s not always easy to relax and just get into sex. Especially if you may be thinking about how to tell him you’ve got HIV while you’re worrying about infecting him and maybe feeling a bit queasy having just had your pills. When you think about it, it’s amazing anyone with HIV has sex at all. But we do. And a lot of us do it well. Sex is simply something most of us can’t, and needn’t, live without.

Reading about all of the health issues associated with sex is not exactly sexy reading. Some of the information can sometimes put you off. In this booklet we’ve tried to present the information in a way that will help you to make the right decisions for you.

There are questions we can’t answer. Whether to have unprotected sex with other positive partners, for example. You need to make that decision based on the information you have. And you need to feel comfortable with your decision. That way you can feel most comfortable with your partner. And ultimately have better sex.

Risk taking can be exciting. In an anonymous sex situation, for example, at a sauna or beat. But these are often the places when the wrong type of risks are taken. After all these years there are still a lot of myths about. Myths about the sort of people who are HIV positive – “If he looks healthy, he must be negative”. About what is safe – “If a negative guy is doing the fucking, he’s not at risk”. And about whose responsibility it is to not transmit HIV.

There may be times when you are having sex in environments where HIV seems to be the last thing on anyone’s mind.

In order to remain comfortable with the choices that you make, it may be good to spend some time thinking through issues and talking to other positive men, and other friends or partners about these. Issues like responsibility for decisions around safe sex, or disclosure.

Often it feels like, as gay men with HIV, we are held up as solely responsible for avoiding further transmissions of HIV. The old saying “it takes two to tango” is quite apt. When sex is not an individual act, everyone involved is individually and collectively responsible.

So take care. And have fun.